OK...I know the title of my blog has been "Experiences of a doc's wife...." for a while, but I'm officially the wife of a doctor and I'm in the process of adjusting to that lifestyle - in a new state no less. I have to say I can't complain about MI so far. The neighbors are all wonderful and Ella and I have already made friends with a family a few doors down and look forward to our friendship growing. The weather has also been pleasant. We've had a few 90+ degree days, but not back-to-back like they are in FL, so it's easier to bare.
But, I will say that I'm having a hard time adjusting to Stephen's new life. I can't really say that it's been bad so far. It's just that we've had him around constantly for a while now and all-of-a-sudden he's busy with orientation and coming home tired (feels like the beginning of medical school again). His first month which officially starts this coming Sunday, he will be on call every fourth day. So, a week from today is his first night on call which means he'll go in Monday morning at 6:30am and not getting off until Tuesday at 12:30pm...and assuming that he doesn't get much sleep at the hospital, I'm sure he'll sleep when he gets home that afternoon and then gets to go right back to work at 6:30am the next morning. Again, this isn't horrible - it could've been a lot worse if he would have stuck with surgery. I could easily be worrying about nothing and I'm sure I am. It's just a matter of getting used to a new schedule. But, I'm starting to lose sleep and I'm having bad dreams. Without getting too detailed they all play on my abandonment issues. They're pretty much the same dreams every night with a little differences, but they are so real and I wake in a panic and then can't get back to sleep. If I do get back to sleep, the dream continues and it just gets worse. I will then think about this dream as if it were real for the rest of the day. I know it's not real of course, but what really bothers me is not the dream, but how it makes me feel...scared, lonely, worried about the future, etc.
I truly feel like I have no one to talk to about this. I have had dreams like this before although never this frequent. I've mentioned them to Stephen and he's getting sick of it because he thinks they're so absured. Yet, what I really need from his is reassurance, not just hearing that I have "nothing to worry about." I can't imagine this going on for much longer. I really feel like I could easily slip into depression or need to seek counseling if this continues. I'm trying to snap myself out of it and realize that I'm just stressing over new situations and circumstances and it takes everyone time to adjust. So....
...I will continue to blog about my new doctor's wife experiences and maybe even share some stories (even though I'm probably not allowed to). All I ask is that whoever is reading this will keep me in their thoughts and prayers or offer any advice you may have. I know it might be hard to understand what I'm talking about or where I'm coming from if you don't know my past and that's OK. I just needed to share my feelings.